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Re: Moving a loved one and re-homing a pet
Posted: Sat Nov 27, 2021 7:28 pm
by circular
SusanJ wrote:
Thanks, Nords. Certainly something we need to reassure her, that her grandnephew and wife will take good care of Charlie. I'm guessing they would be happy to send a picture now and then until she starts running with the bingo ladies. She loves bingo!
I'm not sure this idea would work, but I'll just toss it out there in case it ever feels like it might meet a need… Could her grandnephew and his wife set up a webcam where Charlie plays, sleeps or whathave you. Then the activities staff at the facility could log in to what hopefully could just be a private web address and she could watch him and check in on him? She could send him a toy and then see him playing with it? I wouldn't do try this right away, but maybe once she's stimulated in new ways and if Charlie keeps coming up. I could see how it might backfire too, and maybe photos are the simpler and better way to go.
Re: Moving a loved one and re-homing a pet
Posted: Tue Nov 30, 2021 1:20 pm
by Julie G
My brother-in-law has recently passed, and my sister-in-law can not live on her own.
I don't have anything of substance to add, but wanted you to know that I care. I also know that you're an amazing sister-in-law and am sending good energy to you and the whole family as you sort through this crisis. So many of us E4 carriers end up being caretakers; comes with the territory, but doesn't make it any easier. -xo
Re: Moving a loved one and re-homing a pet
Posted: Wed Dec 01, 2021 5:02 pm
by SusanJ
Julie G wrote:sending good energy to you and the whole family as you sort through this crisis
Thanks, you know better than most the challenges. We're just taking it a day at a time.
Re: Moving a loved one and re-homing a pet
Posted: Mon Jan 17, 2022 8:59 am
by SusanJ
Just an update to this question. Once my SIL knew that Charlie was going to a home she "trusted", she was okay moving into memory care first.
The reality with a failing memory is that she has forgotten about Charlie after several weeks, and no longer asks about him.
On the upside, we found a great memory care facility in their city, which keeps their residents busy with lots of activities. My SIL has a set of new friends, enjoys bingo, Trivial Pursuit (they make up answers and all laugh about them), and exercise class (she never did this before). She has always been a gregarious person and being with a variety of people has been very positive for her. So has eating regularly, which keeps her from resorting to the Snickers bars when she gets hungry.
For anyone facing this situation, I'll honestly say it's been a tough journey for my husband, but doable. The things we thought that would cause a blow up, turned out not to be a problem, like showing her the room she would move into. We learned that we could add things to her calendar, or leave a piece of paper that would remind her of things we had discussed or needed to do, which helped immensely, too. We're just now back home after 2 months, so the reality is these things all take more time than you expect.
Re: Moving a loved one and re-homing a pet
Posted: Mon Jan 17, 2022 9:44 am
by circular
SusanJ wrote: ↑Mon Jan 17, 2022 8:59 am
Just an update to this question. Once my SIL knew that Charlie was going to a home she "trusted", she was okay moving into memory care first.
The reality with a failing memory is that she has forgotten about Charlie after several weeks, and no longer asks about him.
On the upside, we found a great memory care facility in their city, which keeps their residents busy with lots of activities. My SIL has a set of new friends, enjoys bingo, Trivial Pursuit (they make up answers and all laugh about them), and exercise class (she never did this before). She has always been a gregarious person and being with a variety of people has been very positive for her. So has eating regularly, which keeps her from resorting to the Snickers bars when she gets hungry.
For anyone facing this situation, I'll honestly say it's been a tough journey for my husband, but doable. The things we thought that would cause a blow up, turned out not to be a problem, like showing her the room she would move into. We learned that we could add things to her calendar, or leave a piece of paper that would remind her of things we had discussed or needed to do, which helped immensely, too. We're just now back home after 2 months, so the reality is these things all take more time than you expect.
This is such a great update! Good work and welcome home!
Re: Moving a loved one and re-homing a pet
Posted: Mon Jan 17, 2022 10:01 am
by NF52
SusanJ wrote: ↑Mon Jan 17, 2022 8:59 am
Just an update to this question. Once my SIL knew that Charlie was going to a home she "trusted", she was okay moving into memory care first....
On the upside, we found a great memory care facility in their city, which keeps their residents busy with lots of activities. My SIL has a set of new friends, enjoys bingo, Trivial Pursuit (they make up answers and all laugh about them), and exercise class (she never did this before)...We're just now back home after 2 months, so the reality is these things all take more time than you expect.
Thank you for this update, Susan. I already want to adopt their rules for Trivial Pursuit! What a lovely idea to enjoy the friendships and the "play"--as we do when we play lots of games. (Outside of a bar, who ever cares about winners in Trivial Pursuit?!)
I love the advice that Marianne Talbot, a UK writer and philosopher at Oxford, gives about caring for her "Mum" at home and then with day programs and eventual nursing home care in
Keeping Mum: Caring for Someone with Dementia: "If you're wondering if it's time for a higher level of care to meet your loved one's needs, it's probably already past time." Her own Mum loved the day program where she too made friends and found laughter.
You and your husband are some amazing warrior/angels!
Re: Moving a loved one and re-homing a pet
Posted: Mon Jan 17, 2022 4:25 pm
by CAngelS
SusanJ wrote: ↑Mon Jan 17, 2022 8:59 am
Just an update to this question. ...The things we thought that would cause a blow up, turned out not to be a problem, like showing her the room she would move into. We learned that we could add things to her calendar, or leave a piece of paper that would remind her of things we had discussed or needed to do, which helped immensely, too. We're just now back home after 2 months, so the reality is these things all take more time than you expect.
Congratulations on caring for your SIL so well. It sounds like the transition was remarkably smooth. What a blessing for all of you!
I've often prayed for people I love to forget what they need to forget and remember what they need to remember. <3