Percolator wrote: ↑Mon Oct 24, 2022 6:29 pm
My sweetheart is newly enrolled in RE-Code.
I am floundering in being trusted as her advocate.
I’m running out of gas attempting to stay positive.
All tasks are in my court. I dearly love this woman. Much of what I attempt to promote (Apollo Health oriented) is resisted. My sweetheart’s ability to reason is shot, therefore, logic doesn’t exist.
Percolator in Oregon
I think your "sweetheart" is lucky to have you in her corner--even when she's being a pain the you-know-what! I'll pass along some advice from a woman who was in a somewhat similar situation with her mother and her very frustrated teenaged children. She told them "Her memories and reasoning may be gone, but her feelings are still here and very real, so that's what we're going to respect and support." So they went with the flow when the tide was going against them, and gently steered when her mom's mood and feelings allowed it, which happened more once her mom felt less anxious about changes.
I won't pretend to know exactly how that might look with your loved one, so will give some examples that you might adapt. As a 70 year old woman with a strong family history of dementia on my mom's side, I've told my husband that he better use a playlist of songs I like to get me to do things, because singing along to music gives me joy! And since I have never wanted to eat sardines, I doubt I will start if I can't reason--but I expect I'll enjoy a varied diet of fruits and vegetables, other kinds of fish, some healthy grains and healthy fats like avocados, almond butter and other nuts. Maybe not a perfect ReCODE diet, but pretty close to a good Mediterranean diet.
It's easier to go on a walk when it's in a park, than in a gym, especially if the leaves are turning or there's little kids and dogs to enjoy watching. And I would much prefer that he set up times that my friends can take me for that walk, so that he has time to do what he loves and so can stay afloat during these ebbs and flows of my moods.
Rather than think of ReCODE as an all-or-nothing commitment, why not try something that seems close to your sweetheart's experience. For example, it she's insisting on an evening snack, make it something a bit healthier than she might have had before and maybe breakfast is a tiny bit later in the morning. A 10-hour "fast" is still a fast!
Most of all, allow yourself to be her "care partner" and only choose to be her "advocate" for the issues when she can't advocate for herself--health care, financial issues, etc. As a partner, you can look for things that bring you both joy and that lessen your own, very real burden. Ask others to pitch in--people often don't know what to do, but if you say "Can you come over and help her sort out her winter clothes?" I bet a wonderful friend would love to do that, and you'd soon hear them laughing and reminiscing together.
I got to see some of Oregon (Astoria, Cannon Beach, Portland, the Cascade Valley) last year for the first time. You have both a sweetheart and a beautiful state and are entitled to some peace and joy from both.
Best wishes from the state of Virginia,